Started in 2011 as my outlet to share my experiences on personal life and work topics. My handle is khanmjk. My friends & colleagues call me "Mo". This blog is an experiment, work-in-progress.
Life: Self-awareness, personal development, growth hacking (quantified self).
Work: Software and Systems Engineering, Leadership, Management, New Ideas and OpEds.
The last time I had a detailed psychometric assessment done was in 2015 as I was stepping up to executive management (C-Suite) roles, the Enneagram report, seven years ago.
It's now 2022 and I'm working at Amazon Web Services in a leadership position where the focus is on scaling myself, my team and my business. As part this journey of leading to scale, I completed a new kind of psychometric based on the DiscProfile focused on the "Work of Leaders".
This Work of Leaders psychometric is different because unlike other DiSC reports, which emphasize understanding the differences between people (like the Enneagram model), Work of Leaders focuses on understanding how your tendencies influence your effectiveness in specific leadership situations.
I recently came across the GROW model which I think complements my own RAGE model quite nicely when it comes to inspecting aspirations and goals. It's all about seeking clarity through questions:
Goal - What do you want? What's your desired outcomes (Aspirations)?
What would you notice if you were performing in this area more proficiently?
What would others notice if you were performing in this area more proficiently?
What would be the benefits to your team / family / business / friends of you gaining proficiency in this area?
What is the short- and long-term impact of you not enhancing in this area?
Reality - What's your current situation? Be brutally honest about current reality.
What is the current state of your proficiency in this area?
What have you done till date to develop proficiency in this area?
What has helped your progress?
What has held you back?
How long have you been working on enhancing yourself in this area?
Where do you feel stuck?
What perceptions about yourself might be getting in your way?
Are these perceptions accurate? How do you know?
Options - Exploring possibilities / Expectations. What could you do?
What do you feel you need to gain proficiency in this area?
What are the possible actions you can take to enhance yourself in this area?
What else can you do? Probe deeper
Now that you are aware of the possibilities, which one would you try first?
What would you like to have happen?
If you do nothing, what will be the impact?
What does the wiser part of you tell you?
If you were coaching someone on enhancing themselves in this area, what might you say to them?
If there were no limitations/restrictions, what might you do?
What options are within your control?
Will - What will you do? Commitment / Next Steps?
What support do you need to be successful in your next steps?
What obstacles do you anticipate? How will you navigate them?
How might you motivate yourself when things get tough?
Who might be able to help you in achieving your next steps?
When I started my career as an engineer, I was keen on experiencing as many roles in the end-to-end software stack as possible. I switched teams, projects and even organisations. I even made the cast of the "Switcher" video that our HR careers team produced to promote growth opportunities through switching jobs! I once switched roles just before being promoted too, starting over as a junior engineer in a different part of the org build a tech stack I had zero prior experience in. Even after switching tracks between management-and-technical to becoming Principal Engineer, thinking I would remain firmly technical - I switched to back management for practical lifestyle reasons. But even within management, I switched between management roles just so that I could experience as many facets of business as possible, so that I could one day maybe run my own company! I also switched from a tech platform product service provider to big corporates & also was lucky enough to experience start-ups from concept to business launch.
I once switched jobs by exiting permanent to freelancing the month before my bonus was due. My last switch forfeited share options and a retention bonus to boot!
So I was very intentional about becoming a "Jack of All trades, Master of some!" general biztech manager. I am mostly self-taught & experienced my MBA by learning on-the-job, so switching careers was natural and pretty easy, I'm an adaptable guy!
Or so I thought ... Until now…until my current Switch-in-progress ...
I've started to view switching as a function of tenure, so my assertion is thus: That it actually gets harder to switch as the years go by. If you've left the technical track for some time, an experienced manager for example, switching back to technical engineering gets much harder. When you see yourself as in the"experienced 21+ years" category, you best be ready for a little discomfort...
So my most recent switch from executive leadership into operational management as an engineering manager - is the hardest switch I've made to date! I suppose it was expected - having spent the last decade executing strategically and delivering through others primarily, occassionally rolling up my sleeves by necessity. Whenever I got in the trenches, it was usually short-lived - to lead from the frontlines, setting-up frameworks, run rehearsals, entrenching new processes & instilling new behaviours, coaching then handing over the reigns to managers and then watching those upcoming leaders grow. That was the most rewarding part of leadership for me, one could call that my superpower (i.e. growing leaders).
As my story goes, in 2020 I made a conscious decision to leave behind an industry I knew like the-back-of-my-hand (video) & start over anew in cloud native platforms, back in the "engine room" of software development so to speak. From enjoying big strategic planning and owning a technology roadmap with 200 people responsibility, working on commercial contracts and negotiations, spending big money and having direct bottom-line impact to P&L – to going back into the engine room, building small software teams, with the opportunity of having massive impact on a global scale with the biggest tech company on the planet, working with the best and brightest minds - sparked the Switcher in me to start a new adventure!
Forceably disrupting, reinventing myself so that I could at least add two more domains before retiring. A lot of folks told me I was bloody crazy, others called me brave (being a little "late" in my career after landing relatively respectable senior posts). I personally, wanted to rekindle the flame of adventure that was on its way out!
Man, what was I thinking!! :-)
Reinventing myself has been hard, very hard! With 15 months into this journey, I still have some miles+++ to go to becoming comfortable in my new (humble) shoes. Not a good feeling for someone tenured with loads of experience, says the ego!
For those folks thinking about making a similar lateral/downward move to a new domain/company, be prepared for a journey of ups and downs!
Expect constant battles with your ego! Mind your hubris! Let go of past successes! Come to terms with Imposter Syndrome! Let the resistance pass through. Be like water, my friend. Empty your cup...Leave your ego at the door...
Here's some reflections I use regularly to re-calibrate when I feel the force of resistance is strong (i.e. the desire to pack up and leave because I've seen better):
1. Think back to the core driver of why you've made the switch, why weren't you satisfied & what drove the change?
2. Welcome your new critics - don't be too defensive by bringing up your past accolades (they just don't matter, what matters is what are you bringing to the table right now).
3. Think about your biggest vulnerabilities in the new role. How do you plan to compensate for them?
4. What can you do to gain more control over your local environment? [Think: Circle of control/influence]
5. What are you avoiding?
6. Why are you avoiding? Why...5 Whys...
7. How are you helping your colleagues achieve their goals?
8. How are you NOT helping or even hindering their progress?
9. How might you be contributing to your least enjoyable relationship at work?
10. How could you have been more effective in a recent meeting?
11. Ask "What haven't I considered?"
12. Ask "Why is this thing the way it is?"
13. Ask "Am I part of the problem here or the solution?"
14. Ask "Could I be wrong here?"
15. Practice silence & patience. Before raising something, Ask: Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said, by me? Does it need to be said, by me, right now?
The learning never really ends - to achieve personal mastery is a journey that has no end.
Having said that, reinvention is not for everyone! Switching careers can be hard. It can be daunting. It can also be quite lonely. Be sure you're up for the challenges ahead. Seek counsel from folks who've walked the path before.
(11-Dec-21 clearing out old drafts cache 2012-2016, articles I didn't get round to finishing)
Lately I've been thinking about our tendency to compare ourselves, our work, skills & knowledge using the term "world-class" as the benchmark, the bar (at least for us in Africa, this comparison is pretty much comes up frequently in boardroom conversations).
I myself have used this term on a few occasions, heck, the goal for my current job was to transform the engineering team & products we build, from being "ordinary" to "world-class", to build a "world-class" engineering team. Three years later, I now see what a whole load of bullshit that really was!! And instead of being used as a powerful motivator for change, it "world-class" carries far more negative connotations that positive...incidentally, I had stopped using the term less than a year into the role, I don't use it with my team anymore, although I have to deal with non-technical executives as well as key stakeholders across the business, who regularly challenge: Do you have world-class engineers? Are they A players or B players? We need champions league players...and so on.
For people coming from the western world into Africa, you will indeed be in for a surprise. Even myself, a returning African after working for decade in Europe, was initially flabbagastered ...
(11-Dec-21 clearing out old drafts cache 2012-2016, articles I didn't get round to finishing)
Another one penned but not published.
I did experiment with my own consultancy for 4.5 years, created Africa Systems and Software Services and subcontracted with TPI Africa Computer Services.... So I did take the leap and go out on my own 🤷🏽♂️
I provide specialist Software and Systems Engineering Management Consulting in the following areas:
The sector I offer immediate and expert use is in the Digital TV sector, covering Set-Top-Box software & hardware, Headend systems - for TV services such as EPG (Electronic Program Guide), VOD (Video-on-Demand) and other OTT (Over-the-Top Internet) services. I have a detailed track record of successful engagements in this sector.
These skills, experiences and best practices are easily transferrable to other sectors that touch on Software/Systems Engineering, including Telco, Healthcare & Banking systems.
(11-Dec-21 clearing out old drafts cache 2012-2016, articles I didn't get round to finishing)
this one I penned I 2013 but didn't publish...
So much has changed in 7 years!!
At a recent training session with a life coach, I shared my current challenge of me/my ideas not being taken too seriously and an apparent misconception in the organisation that I'm largely theoretical & academic in nature - that there's this innate resistance from people to consider new approaches. I had spent a decade overseas, gained some solid experience and knowledge (working with the best companies in the Digital TV Software field), and have come back to my home country, South Africa - where I'm interacting with most of the same people that I'd left behind over 10 years ago, having grown and matured and reached accolades that most people (in SA) will have only dreamt about...I left as an Engineer-in-Training, returned as a Senior Manager, dealing with people who were originally (10 years ago) either my team leaders or managers...Although no one says it out aloud, I'm pretty certain that people think "This guy thinks he's a big shot, coming from overseas and trying to change our ways. There's nothing wrong with our way of working, it's worked for us all this time...This best practices spiel is all theory, he's not a person of action, he's a politician - more talk, very little action!". Alas, I am anything but academic, and this post will try to clarify this misconception!
As lame as this might sound, it is well-known fact that working with human beings is really difficult! The coach hit the nail on the head that a possible reason I was facing resistance is most likely due to a mistake by senior leadership of not communicating to the rest of the organisation what my role entailed, especially in the area of introducing changes or best practices. I was probably not introduced to the company as someone who has a lot of value to offer, my positioning and expectations were not clear from the senior leadership, hence people are not sure what to make of me. Indeed this is true since I was initially interviewed for Scrum Master role, but was instead offered a Project Manager role due to my experience; and then later on in a short time, having influenced many areas, especially after resetting the project back on track, the company realised I'm more than just a Project Manager - and so moved to a Senior Program Manager Role, positioned as a Strategic Planner. But there still wasn't a clear mandate from the upper echelons of leadership to say to listen to me...nor was there outright acceptance that most of the existing processes to date were somewhat flawed; and miles away from following best practices.
My experience covers a variety of areas: Software Development, Architecture, Technical Management, Technical Leadership, Systems Integration, Engineering Management, Software Product Management, Software Project Management, Delivery & Integration Management, Agile, Scrum, Software Engineering...
I am equally passionate in all these areas, so wearing the hat of "Strategic Planner" that creates direction for Programs and sets a high level project plan into motion, is somewhat limiting the value I bring to the organisation. I can contribute to many areas in the company, but run the risk of sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong, the corporate structures preventing cross-collaboration; and the tendency of people building empires makes it really difficult to influence change; unless direction comes from the top. Being the person I am, I can't sit still and see things being run inefficiently and somewhat mismanaged - surrendering doesn't sit well with me!
So this coach strongly recommended I must tell my story every chance I get (if I'm meeting new people, etc)...that I need to tell my story so people can understand where I'm coming from, what my insights are, and get people to acknowledge the value I can bring to the team or organisation...
...so this is my attempt at telling my story...How did I get here? What makes me think I have expert knowledge worth sharing with the professional world? Why do I feel I have a sound grasp of best practices? Why am I passionate about Software Engineering? Why do I think I'm Software Management Consultant material??
Embedded Engineer: Set-Top-Box Developer
Systems Software Engineer: Fault-tolerant Server-Side Computing
(11-Dec-21 clearing out old drafts cache 2012-2016, articles I didn't get round to finishing)
One of my most well read and often-sited posts, and the post that steered much of the changes I got introduced into my project was my Overview of Architecture Roles in Digital TV Projects. I have yet to change my view on the demand and need of real architects on software projects, and since my focus is on software development in Digital TV Systems, I remain unconvinced that the role is either not required, or the expectation from the role remains purely a high-level technical co-ordination or problem-solving role. I also remain totally unconvinced that Agile/Scrum calls for less focus on up-front architecture activities either.
I have worked with Digital TV Software Projects throughout my professional career, some might call this expert knowledge (although I am thinking of branching out into Cloud-Services as an attempt to remain up-to-date & current) - I have seen traditional Waterfall projects, classic Agile/Scrum small-scale projects and also managed Large-Scale Distributed Projects implementing a mix of Structured & Agile. I have been on training courses on Agile/Scrum, read most of the popular books on the subject, and haven't found much evidence that speaks against following at least some rigour when it comes to Software/Systems Architecture.
This post is about sharing some of the activities that I've come to expect from a STB Architect Role, by building on the high level requirements that I introduced in the original post on Architect Roles:
[RECAP typical STB Architecture Stack]
[HAL / CDI Layer - broad profile / review / etc]
[Basic STB Architecture building blocks:
- device memory map
- device hard disk partitioning
- device hard disk management
- component interfaces
- component communications
- interface patterns / protocols
- software classes / framework - base classes
- use cases: Product Use Case - System Use Case - Feature Use Case - Functional Component Use Case, etc
- tracking memory management
- tracking stability
- assisting in defect triage / classification
- security aspects - kernel hardening, etc
- open source knowledge
- co-ordinating technical discussions, not doing the technical debugging - but advising/co-ordinating
- managing vendor expectations
- future looking roadmap features
- works on multiple projects & activities at once
- excellent time management & documentation skills
(11-Dec-21 clearing out old drafts cache 2012-2016, articles I didn't get round to finishing)
This is Part 5 in my series of posts on a case study in Large-Scale Distributed Software Development using Agile Methodologies for a Digital TV Set-Top-Box project. I have covered the following topics to date:
In this post, I'll discuss a Large-Scale Architectural Model we adopted, touching on the concepts and challenges we experienced. I have broken down this post into the following sub-topics:
Recap the project, STB Software Stack & Organisational Structure
Overview of the Organisational Structure around the Software Architecture
Breakdown of the Architecture Processes, key areas of maintaining architectural integrity
Requirements, Design & Implementation Model
Communication Challenges (Collaboration, Reviews, Meetings, Documentation)
Controlling Change (APIs / ICDs)
Scaling the Roadmap - Advanced Features, Multiple Customers, Short Release Cycles
(11-Dec-21 clearing out old drafts cache 2012-2016, articles I didn't get round to finishing)
- recap the model
- talk about management challenges - admin
- share the twitter discussions from Kane Mar
- Reference Software in 30 days
- talk about the challenges with adopting agile in large scale STB projects - very hard to achieve, has to be done piecemeal
In my previous work experience as a program director, I led very large programs consisting of hundreds of people distributed across geographies. I had multiple stakeholders to manage, mostly C-Suite folks that depended on me to simplify the details and present the essence of program to them, so that they could make effective decisions in a timely manner. Whilst I managed the detailed project plans and task breakdowns with my team of project, program & engineering managers, I adopted varying styles of communications to suit my audience level.
To this day, even though I've left program and project leadership behind for some years now, I myself served as a SteerCo member, sponsoring projects and programs to deliver KPIs. I still prefer the art of simple visuals as a means of communication. A picture, presented in a way that directs a conversation can be so much more efficient and powerful than reading lines and lines of verbose text, IMHO.
Sort of a #throwbackthursday post, I came across these old visuals I used on a project Steerco going back six years ago. This particular program was pretty tight, very little buffer contingency, executed in under six months, a major upgrade and launch of feature end-to-end, with hundreds of people contributing. The steerco group consisted of a dozen executives. The detailed project plan cut across 20 workstreams, the launch release updated 55 countries in Africa.
Paths to Launch
Launch Go/No-Go Checklist & Plan
Some program and project managers can over complicate messaging and communications. I've learnt over time that whilst detail rigour is still necessary for tracking project deliveries, there is actually an art to managing projects - there is also a style to stakeholder engagement - the methods of communication plays a major role. Whilst some might argue that pictures remove much of the thinking and thought process behind, I believe in the power of visuals...after all, a picture is worth a thousand words!
Earlier this year, as part of breaking the ice with the new senior management team, our leader asked each one of us to share a bit of background about ourselves on one slide. Sharing my story here. It was an interesting learning experience as it opens up the team for inclusion & diversity - getting to know more than just the work-side of your colleague. A great way to get to know one another!
In a series of posts this year, I plan to write on how I led a transformation of a technology platform and engineering team - and delivered results in scaling to 10X+ growth on KPIs such as user-and-device growth, user engagement, enhanced personalisation & content discovery, reduced platform instability by increasing availability from 97 to 99%; created a 20X+ reduction in core operating costs (saving R100m+) and simultaneously built a scalable leadership team to take over. All in 3.5 years.
This draws on my professional work experience from March 2017 - October 2020, when I spent my time as CTO (Chief Technology Officer) of an OVP (Online Video Platform) for Africa's largest VE (Video Entertainment) provider. In this short period my team delivered end-to-end transformation (not just software development) that set up the IT/Engineering to scale for future growth. I also left a scalable leadership pipeline in place which allowed me to comfortably transition to my next role outside of video systems by leaving a technology roadmap delivery plan & sustainable processes in place for at least another 2 years. Since my departure, I remain in contact with the team who continue not only to thank me for the roadmap but also for the opportunities I helped create to grow their own careers as leaders, who are themselves on track to become CTOs & CIOs as well.
Context
The business grew increasingly concerned about their online video platform's ability to scale to increased forecasted demand anticipated as more customers switched from traditional broadcast satellite-TV viewing to on-demand, on-the-go-viewing through streaming video over the internet. With incumbents like Netflix & Amazon Prime Video and others entering the African territory, we also needed a reliable internet-ready TV product that customers have come to take for granted. Until then, the video platform which was built largely in-house by a local engineering team, had an active user base that consisted mainly of early adopters, an internal start-up project, fledgling at best.
This platform and product was still in its infancy, not-yet-ready for exponential internet growth, which could happen at any time. As such, this team operated on a shoestring budget of a constrained start-up for a number of years. The engineering team was also spread quite thin, working on multiple, incoherent projects, product and services not specifically focused on internet video. Rather, we were the "online people" that did everything from hosting websites, various content management systems, wrote media apps and ran operations for digital marketing sites across African continent. In short, I owned a digital IT shop that was a multi-armed, multi-headed hydra that needed taming. Such constraints whilst bred out of necessity, unfortunately ignored the bigger picture, long-term strategic investments needed in the platform to scale for future growth were largely ignored because of budget constraints. The platform barely supported its early adopters in so far as providing consistent availability was never guaranteed or reliable. Customer satisfaction scores were very low, below 4 (<40%). Net Promoter Scores (NPS) almost non-existent. Outages due to platform stability was the norm, with on-call load on support engineers increasing as number of users began to increase.
The business, unawares of the true state of the platform, had nonetheless planned increased marketing and awareness campaigns for its internet streaming product. Large events like the FIFA Soccer World Cup (2018), Olympics (2018) Cricket World Cup (2019), Rugby World Cup (2019) sparked much concern about the platform's ability to scale for increased load. Other events like UEFA, Premiere League, Game of Thrones and other popular video content expected to bring increased traffic to the platform. Apart from primary content drivers, the fear of not making a noise on the streaming side was high - we needed to take this fledgling product & platform and make it mainstream. Marketing increased. Along came a decent technology budget assigned to me to help turnaround & deliver a recovery. I could not pass up this opportunity to test my skills in technology, engineering, strategy, delivery and leadership...what a journey it was!
The ask: build and scale an video streaming (live broadcast and video-on-demand like Amazon Prime Video or Hulu) platform to work across 50+ countries on the African continent, with localisation. Build, stabilize, replace, buy, partner - do what is necessary, but we don't have time-to-wait a year for new R&D or migration, as we're going to make a noise in marketing, so the platform better be available. At the same time, build complementary services for "internet connected set top boxes" in addition to pure online play.
A recent post on LinkedIn that I casually commented on by sharing my own personal story about the time I hitch hiked a lift, travelling 600km overnight on a long-haul truck just to make a job interview on time. I commented on LinkedIn without giving it much thought actually. It nevertheless struck a nerve that made me realise I need to go back into my past, dig up the old memories to help ignite the fire-in-my-belly, thus provoking me out of a slumber zone that I found myself recently experiencing (even before covid-19).
The theory: by reflecting on my past stories, building blocks that "made me ME", I would be encouraged to continue moving forward with a renewed sense of energy and purpose. To become that bold, daring & courageous individual again. Someone who always went against the grain, never one to follow the herd or play-it-safe. An owner of my path, unafraid of uncertainty or the unknown, with a sense of curiosity in all things life & work, not swayed by people be they corporate executives, colleagues, friends or family. Equipped with my reliance on God and my confidence in my own strengths & abilities, having a strong sense of faith and fine-tuned instincts...daring to be different! How do I find that guy again?
After all, I have indeed successfully navigated through many challenges and obstacles in the past despite my background, to get to where I am today of which, I am immensely proud of, so why should I settle now? Should the next 20 years not be filled with even more?? But it seems my flame was dying out, so I began to ask myself whatever happened to that flame? How do I re-ignite it? Whatever happened to being that lion? Have I settled for a life of ease and comfort? Am I comfortable doing routine work? Why do I need to play the system, be under the radar just because I'm close to having made it? What's so important about job title anyway? Does my work really define my identity?
I needed to find my story again and was sure the clues were waiting to be found hidden in my past. I'm sharing this because just maybe, I'm not alone in this boat - that this exercise might be something others could find useful too, in helping you with instigating the change you seek. When I did travel back it time, it occurred to me how much my work or career defined my life!? Victim of circumstance or not, it was quite revealing that my profession which stemmed from being conditioned by the system of Life programming to work hard and survive - shaped my life's choices.
Still, I contend that over the years we tend to forget who we were (sometimes it could be argued this is a good thing depending on one's past circumstances). We also lose touch of our inner core. To some extent possibly even forget our own roots. We thus enter either a comfort zone of complacency or living life through wilful ignorance. That is, who we are today is not so clear anymore because we've forgotten our past!
HAS THE LION INSIDE OF ME BEEN TAMED??
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT FIRE IN MY BELLY??
My inner voice shouts!!
Have I really arrived? It can't be, but I'm still quite young!?
One of my greatest fears is to reach a point in my life where I'm resentful, i.e. of having regrets about missed opportunities. Taking the safe path instead of the uncertain, uncharted one. As we get older, start a family, climb the career ladder, the less inclined we are to taking risks, to upsetting the balance or causing disruption to our family's lives or to breaking away from accepted social/cultural or even professional norms.
There are indeed times when we need to be patient, be wise, show grit and resilience by deferring rewards for later (delaying gratitude), but this tactic too if used too often or unwisely, may just only be a crutch that we hold on to - because actually, deep down, we're afraid to admit that we fear the unknown, so we often settle for the safety net of waiting for that retirement pension as an example, to only then start enjoying life. In another LinkedIn post, I described this as Life Programming.
We seek out excuses, governed by rationality or play the sacrificial card of putting our own personal interests last, ahead of the rights of our family, spouse or children. We may have created a personal value system that expects self-sacrifice. We may make our worlds larger than what we can neither control nor influence (like we should be so grateful because others have it much worse than us, why chase the world when you're got it good now, look at the trouble in other countries, better to be thankful and let it be, don't be too ambitious, etc?). Sometimes we use our religion and faith in a way that promotes static stagnancy than taking on risks (why should I be an ungrateful servant by chasing this world of "dunyah"?). Sometimes we compromise our core values and passions because the money is just too good to resist. Sometimes we place unusually high notions about rights of the companies we work for, or attach sense of loyalty to our bosses or the teams we lead or work with. In our minds, this sacrificial attitude conjures up feelings of goodness, almost a saintliness, that can be blinding us from the hard truths...self-preservation is not necessarily a selfish act, after all, this world is fleeting, and we must therefore not waste ourselves with our limited time on earth, we each deserve an experience worth living...and to do so, action, re-action & forward momentum is needed IMHO.
Personally, I've been riding this roller coaster for some years now, so I created a model called RAGE, to help provide guardrails to prioritise the various streams in my life & help with decision-making rules (I'm an engineer after all). This tool has served me and others (friends, family & colleagues) quite well, I've received some good endorsements...
My theories are also shared by others, take for example Bernadette Jiwa, author of Story Driven, what she has to say about this topic:
We're so busy trying to connect the dots looking forward, we overlook the opportunity to learn from the experiences, not just the mistakes, of the the past. We don't spend as much time looking back as we should. I don't mean just to reminisce about fond memories or to regret stupid mistakes. But rather, to reflect on the significance of our stories, remind ourselves of our resourcefulness and reinforce our sense of identity. History, heritage and hindsight are powerful teachers. But we're in too much of a hurry to reach higher ground to learn from them....
I started my thinking & writing on this topic long before reading Jiwa's book, I'm really glad I did though. There's much more work on self-awareness that I need to unpack, for instance, Part Three "Developing Your Story-Driven Strategy" is packed with some of these soul-searching questions.
I'm still processing these questions in the background in the context of my RAGE model; and may just follow-up with another blog post, sharing them here for you to help your reflection:
What's the hardest thing you've ever done?
What did doing the hard thing teach you about yourself?
Who are the two people who have had the biggest impact on your life?
What did you learn from them?
What was your first job and what valuable lessons did you learn there?
What's your proudest memory? Why?
When are you at your best?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would that be? Why?
What's the one thing you wouldn't change about yourself? Why?
How can you bring more of that thing you wouldn't change into your work?
Go back in time five years. What's the thing your old self would be most proud that you've achieved?
How would you like to be remembered?
The exercise: How to find the flame again & then make it stick?
Go back in time, rewind the clock to trigger memories that you think have shaped & molded you...just write whatever comes to mind...then study, analyse and look for common themes.
Take those themes and create affirmations (this is where it gets private and personal).
Write those affirmations down, keep them with you wherever you go.
Start your day with repeating those affirmations out loud to yourself.
Whenever you're in doubt or feeling glum, use your affirmations to get you out of that funk.
You should notice a change, soak this in, observe yourself in this moment.
Use this energy to immerse yourself in solving/creating your next challenge / opportunity.
Does this thing work? Is this some mumbo-jumbo new age thing?
Maybe, but all I can say this has certainly worked for me - so much so that I'm now out of my funk. This has helped me create yet another defining moment in my life that I'm living through right now as I write this...
My affirmations
I trust in God, have hope in God's Mercy & Generosity always.
I am always thankful to God. With God by my side....I...
I love my parents and am grateful to them, love my siblings and my family.
I love my wife & 3 children, my anchors in life.
I am driven, self-motivated & brave.
I choose courage over comfort.
I hustle.
I am a survivor.
I don't blame anyone for my circumstances.
I am not afraid of the unknown.
I am comfortable with uncertainty.
I have overcome many challenges in life.
I have shown grit, patience, perseverance.
I am determined to succeed.
I make calculated decisions.
I am bold.
I take chances. I dive in, sometimes in complete darkness, but I go anyway.
I am always moving forward, never looking back to "what ifs".
I break stereotypes.
I dare to dream.
I question the status quo.
I remain curious. Curiosity is a good thing.
I have taken chances in my life that paid off.
I tend to go against the mould.
I persevere.
I am relentless.
I keep going.
I have never depended on help from anyone unless help is extended.
I hold myself accountable for my own life.
I don't seek hand-outs, ever.
I value my relationships with trusted friends.
I seek their council & can count on when in trouble or difficulty.
I am grateful to all who played a part in helping me.
I help others in need whenever I can.
I have a responsibility to pay it forward to my family, friends and others.
I have always been responsible for my future.
I take responsibility for my life.
I fear no man.
I believe Nobody owes me anything.
I contend that Not everyone needs to like me.
I am comfortable with myself.
I am only in competition with myself.
I hold myself accountable to high standards.
I loathe mediocrity. I am always learning to improve and grow.
I remind myself often: The only one keeping score is myself, no one else.
I seek counsel from people but take full responsibility for the final decision.
I have confidence in my abilities.
I become an expert in a subject in a short time.
I know that every new endeavour will at first be uncertain and difficult.
I gain comfort in past memories.
I have what it takes to accomplish anything I set my mind to.
I trust my gut instincts and intuition.
I have initiative and drive - my past speaks for itself.
I have proven myself more than capable on many fronts life-and-work.
I am world-class.
I am an innovator.
I have walked away from many an opportunity when it just didn't feel right.
I started from zero a few times in my life, I can do it again if need be.
I do not hang around for the safety of a pay cheque.
I have walked away from many a past opportunity with no regrets.
I pave my own way, make my own path, with the help of God.
I strongly believe: Taking the safe, comfortable path has never been my way.
I alone am responsible for shaping my future career.
I cherish and nurture the networks I've created.
I look deep into my past to shape my future - adaptability is key.
I love and respect my roots, no matter humble.
I am who I am, my past is mine to own, my future is mine to create, my present is mine to act.
I know the only obstacle blocking my path is myself.
I hold myself accountable to my own value system, not other peoples'.
I am self-aware.
I am mindful of my ego & keep it in check always.
I am humble but I don't tolerate nonsense.
My Backstory
Here's some stories that are helping me re-ignite my flame...
I grew up not rich, not middle-class, not poor and not in poverty either. My ancestors came to South Africa from India as indentured labourers most likely to work the sugar cane fields in Natal, I don't know where from since there's no paper records to trace back to.
So I was exposed to the reality of the system of economics & social inequality as I grew up in apartheid. So I was always reminded about the reality "unfairness" of life, practicality, hard working humility, from an early age. We could not afford a car until I started working professionally, neither did we spend our childhood enjoying family vacations away from home. We sometimes didn't have the means to enjoy even the small pleasures of school excursions, school photos or even attend my final year farewell party of high school. Despite the lack of financial means, I can't fault my parents, family & friends for not sheltering us from these realities and filling our house & hearts with love, warmth & protection. My childhood was a blessing upon reflection, our elders did a great job providing psychological safety & groomed us to survive whatever challenges came our way.
My late father was indeed a blue collar shoe factory worker, a machinist, one of the best actually, who won many awards for his craft. Although earning just above the minimum wage for much of his life - he taught me so much about hard work, dedication, setting goals, patience, humility, honour, respect, bravery & frugal money management - that I never really had a chance to thank him in this life though. I was much too hard on him. In fact, I was quite naive! To the extent of living my life with a purpose of "never to become like my father" as I saw his lack of ambition and drive as a weakness not a strength. How naive was I!? I went through life with blinkers on, driven to be better than my father, to never become that guy who settled...alas, how ignorant was I, only to realise years later that I've got so much to thank my father for!!
Despite our financial difficulties growing up, I honestly can't fault my parents for not providing a safe, secure, humble, warm and loving home. Home was always our sanctuary, it still is - every time I go back to my parents home (which is now taken care for by my brother and I), I am reminded of where I started: the tiny room I spent my life studying in, the small house that was never really empty, always bustling with visitors, our food table always welcoming to many guests, the wonderful conversations I'd have with my elders about their past, discuss world politics and life...one should never forget one's roots, home is where the heart is...whenever I need to recharge and remember who I am, I find solace back home...
So I grew up with a practical head, my eyes wide open to the realities. I knew I needed to study hard, do my best at school. I started working part-time in high-school (following my elder brother's lead) whilst my friends were enjoying their teenage freedoms. At the age of 11/12, I was responsible enough to do grocery shopping & pay the bills, I knew what my father earned and the total running costs of the household. I grew up knowing that my duty was to take care & support my parents, siblings, etc. That I needed to pay it forward for my siblings and their children as well. I helped my father get his drivers licence and bought him his first car. My parents have been overseas, an idea that would've been impossible to even dream about growing up.
During high school, I had applied to hundreds of institutions for bursaries and scholarships, consistently for four years since grade 10, all through facing rejection but I never once gave up trying. I did this on my own, without help from anyone. I went to the library, enquired about bursaries, photocopied all the forms (there was no internet then), and I would send letters and apply to literally hundreds of companies (back then we just transitioning out of apartheid, the companies were not as diverse as they are today, and most of the bursary/scholarship forms were still in Afrikaans and had conditions like military service). I tried my best in high school, although I thought I could have scored more As, but I couldn't afford to send my papers for remarking and so settled with my grades, it was an A aggregate which was still nevertheless excellent. Even with these grades, it was a proud moment to be accepted to medical school...
I learnt through persistence. I taught myself computers by reading books even though I did not own a computer at the time. In high school, students were only allowed one computer lesson starting in Grade 9, I on the other hand, camped out the computer room everyday until the teacher granted me access, from Grade 7/8, break times, afternoons, etc. Later in high school, I would persistently complete the maths syllabus in advance, and learn new concepts in programming too. I demonstrated the same curious energy when I worked part-time at the retail store. Starting in sales, moving to finance clerk then made my way to the IT department, to being given freedom to run POS installations in branches by myself. Took the same persistence wherever I landed - be it in Dublin, where I closed the gap on my computer science, or in UK where I innovated a Talking TV EPG for the Blind, a personal project of mine. I took initiative, met with customers & spread the word inside the company, throughout the 4 continents, later landing the best, highly coveted technical position in the advanced technology division.
At the end of high school I was successful in getting placed at Wits medical school, but had to turn the offer down, because I lacked the financial means, couldn't get financial aid not even a bank loan.
At 18, that was quite a defining moment for me: A phone call determines my fate in medicine, I realise I really have no one to back me up, I had to do things on my own. That was the first major turning point in my life, bringing it all home - that I'm alone in this fight, it's up to me to work my way out. There were no adults in my family or friends that ventured to stand guarantor for a bank study loan for me. So I thought I'd just continue working and try to find a way to study part-time.
I had worked part-time at Asmalls in Pietermaritzburg as a teenager growing up selling shoes, clothes, working for retail, doing finance admin as a clerk and IT support. This hard work and "not standing still", got me noticed by the owner of this retail store, interviewed me and agreed to finance my studies when he learnt I was not studying. He took a chance on me. I am forever grateful. I chose engineering not because I had tinkered in building stuff growing up, but because it was the sensible degree to choose on paper as the next best thing to medicine, better than computer science (which was really my passion), providing the best of both worlds. Also, engineering jobs paid more, and I could start earning money sooner...so as usual, with no one else to guide me, I made what I thought as the practical sensible realistic choice.
I never gave up hope for bursaries or scholarships. This consistency of purpose paid off that in my 3rd year, I got through and landed a bursary from Vodacom. This enabled me to live independently and experience freedom (which wasn't always a good thing). I moved out of boarding with family to sharing a flat with fellow students, and thus learnt what it meant to live responsibly.
Eventually I would work for Vodacom during vacations setting up mobile base stations and doing drive-by quality of network experience testing. Vodacom was great in supporting me, unfortunately there was no automatic placement post graduation.
As much as I did not quite enjoy half of electronic engineering topics because my intended software courses dropped away, by that time I was very much fully committed to seeing the degree through in four years, so no turning back. I couldn't whine about it, just get on with it. I was thankful for the bursary and committed to work for the company even though broadcast/radio was not my thing, and assumed the job would naturally follow upon graduation, but it didn't. Even on completing my engineering degree, I turned down three jobs before landing a job in the field I'd studied! I did not want to waste my hard slog of four years by not at least experiencing the job of an engineer!
Eventually I would land a real engineering job with UEC outside my home city. I would bunk in the lounge at my student friend's flat, later would end up boarding at a distant family's residence, closer to the work. Ever ready to adapt to changing circumstances. UEC experience was great, no limitations as long as you took initiative. It was fun, stressful and sometimes quite intense. UEC set me up to take the leap to my life overseas.
After just one year of engineering training, I took a chance - responded to an advert in Sunday Times for engineers in Dublin, Ireland. I applied, without thinking what it actually meant, all I knew was that my best chance of earning money was overseas, and best chance of knowledge to work on core software engineering was definitely not South Africa. I left my home with one suitcase and R5000 in savings, landed in Ireland without having any contacts there, absolutely zero, apart from support from the company, S3. I was on my own, first time out of the country away from home, unknown everything and I started from scratch. In one year, I had made a life in Dublin, made new friends from all over the world, my eyes opened up to life, I wasn't the introvert I thought I was. I also adapted to a new lifestyle in Dublin very well, best social life experience, honestly, I never felt like leaving Dublin, ever!
Working in Ireland, in the "first world" was a real eye opener for me. I became consciously aware of my incompetence. My knowledge of software engineering was lacking compared to the "first world", I was a little behind my peers and lacking some depth of computing principles I either would've learned at university if my courses hadn't been dropped; or if I had studied Computer Science.
I had to ramp-up and teach myself all the things I should've learnt at university (if the courses weren't dropped). I ended up on a project that really stretched my ability, but I did not give up. Instead I dug in deeper and through this I had also secured a placement to study my Masters in Computer Science, from a world-class university, that would then bolster and take my South African education to another level, I hoped.
I also experienced my first-and-only layoff in Ireland, made redundant, something I wasn't expecting it. I was gutted. My world was about to shatter. I was just settling down to a nice routine, enjoying my work, good social network. Without much opportunity left in Ireland, I applied to UK since I did not want to return back to South Africa. Using my savings wisely, I remained in Dublin until I found a job in UK.
In between I got married. I completely funded the wedding myself, including the relocation to UK, etc. It was a simple, down-to-earth wedding, but I do take some pride that I did this all by myself, without asking anyone for any financial help.
One of my proudest milestones has to be raising my engineering skills to become recognised as a Principal Engineer in the UK, as a result of my innovating text-to-speech technologies to make a Talking TV, as a side off-the-work-books project.
Following closely behind was gaining my Masters in Computer Science from a world-class international university. These are important to me because coming from South Africa, it certainly means a lot. I remember some colleagues in Ireland and UK just scoffing sarcastically when I shared I worked for an SA company which they had previous interactions with (they held SA engineers in low regard at the time). The UK being a serious meritocracy where competition is tough, meant getting that job as a principal engineer for me was quite vindicating!
To know that I could hold my own amongst senior engineering peers, architects and managers who - I felt small compared to them - who had also applied for the same job as I, felt really good! Working with a small group of engineers, who's day job it was think up big ideas disrupting the market bootstrapping start-ups, was a dream come true for me.
I am grateful I was able to climb up both the technical and management career ladder in the UK and not in South Africa. IMHO this is because it is somewhat difficult in SA to decipher if your promotion was based fully on merit or whether a "previously-disadvantaged background quota filter for equity and diversity" actually influenced the decision making process. Despite South Africa being "free" for 25+ years now, there's still so much to fix in the corporate world. Let's just say, there's still a lot of biased perceptions going on in this country. Non-white people are still doubted here which is sad really, actually quite frustrating at times! So yeah, I actually derive great personal satisfaction and comfort in knowing I actually made it entirely on my own in the UK, based on my own merits, in what is probably the hardest parts of the world when it comes to high-performance "world-class" output. So this achievement is still my story worth cherishing.
My career was spent learning-on-the-job and through self-study. Whenever I started a new role, I would become expert in the subject matter, by reading & learning from others. I was not afraid to jump in the deep end, challenge status quo and be different. Always self-aware, I had a sense of what I needed to improve, but I never doubted myself. I remember a few internal interviews where I shared my ambition of being a Jack of All Trades, Master of Some, of running my own company one day, I was told I had too high ambitions, but that feedback never deterred me! I can indeed claim to be a generalist with specialist skills, I am indeed a Jack of all trades, master of some!
After 10 years overseas, I decided to return to SA. It was a scary decision to make - leave the life we were building that promised a good future for our kids, we had given up SA citizenship (the thought of returning to SA was alien to us for many years), then we made a U-Turn to return back to SA!!
I had zero savings, no private pension to cash out, which meant starting from zero again, but this time in debt, with a wife and three kids to support. To boot, the job I landed in SA was a junior one as well - but I returned anyway, I embraced the uncertainty nevertheless.
The decision was emotionally biased as well, dispelling much logic or rationale. I recall coming close to a nervous breakdown realising missed opportunities in SA as one example. So I felt we needed to return home to be closer to family. I also wanted to allow my kids to open there eyes to real world problems and challenges they wouldn't normally be exposed to had they continued to grow up in UK. At the time UK felt boring and perfect, whereas Africa felt more vibrant and alive!
After experiencing work in South Africa, I soon realised that my education, training and work-experience was on another higher level compared to the local talent. I could provide much more value working at higher levels, close to director / CTO level. I thus quickly gained respect and credibility to get promoted to running pretty much the entire project end-to-end. Yet another personally rewarding experience for me, since in the UK I would've been a couple levels below that of program director, but in South Africa, I became THE CHIEF Program Director - how exciting!! I realised that whilst I sacrificed financial rewards in UK, my knowledge, skills, experiences gained there, paved my way forward to own and confidently perform senior roles in SA that would've taken me a few more years to reach had I been in UK. It was also quite eye opening in terms of the skills gap and opportunities in South Africa. Equally revealing was that I could in fact, return back to the UK with senior management/executive experience, something that would've taken me far longer to break through had I not left the UK in the first place.
After a couple years working in SA, I was not happy with the work. I felt I needed to operate at a much higher level really. The work began to feel very routine and no longer challenging, because I was operating on skills & expertise from UK on autopilot. The projects I was running, whilst "state-of-the-art" for South Africa, was quite old news to me since I'd done them before, years ago. I considered myself an expert in that field of work (set top box engineering) and therefore I needed to change.
Me being the hustler I am, I convened a meeting with the executives, pitched my offering to them, explained I could provide so much more value to the group if I was set free, used the "tamed lion" analogy - and successfully negotiated an exit agreement that saw me start my management consulting gig. It was a win-win for both sides, as I'd continue to support the business as a consultant, and be free to branch out to other technology & business projects within the group & external non-compete companies as well. I took a chance, was brave to leave comfort of a secure, stable job...but it paid off!
So I decided to leave the comfort of a permanent, secure job and good career progression; to become a management consultant into unknown territory! This opened up a few opportunities, expanded my network and also exposed me the the bigger world of business. In a relatively short-period of time, I cleared my ALL my debt, and our lifestyle started to surpass that which we had in the UK, although I've remained very disciplined not to let my lifestyle follow the gains made. So leaving the comfort of a permanent job, trusting in my ability to venture on my own, taking chances, building professional credibility did pay off.
I would again later leave management consulting and rejoin the collective again to take up a challenge of being CTO, yet another change that stretched my potential. Why did I do this? I had a safe consulting gig, with a good pipeline of work, in control of my own time, working at times a four-day week, and earning good money. I was relatively independent and free. Then I decide to join the matrix again, become part of the collective. Why? Because I wanted a new challenge and was becoming bored of consulting. I also wanted to prove to myself I could switch career tracks again, go back into technical, and prove myself & the sceptics wrong. I am very glad I did so, got to work with a great bunch of people, learnt so much & achieved very good results. The experience provided everything that was missing in terms of my next career jump - and in terms of the original goal I'd set myself, i.e. to be a Jack of All Trades, Master of Some, equipped with the tools to run my own start-up company one day, I believe I've done it. I have the ability to run a company if I wanted to, or lead very large teams as CIO/CTO...so what's my next challenge then?
I tend to get bored once I feel I have acquired mastery or proficiency in an experience. I usually give the job a minimum of 24-30 months to acquire a high level of competency, anything longer ranging between 3-5 years (depending on the project or requirements of the role), I consider optional or sufficient time to reach a higher level of mastery. I do try to finish what I've started or at least aim to leave at a point in time where I know it is safe to let go and pass the baton on.
I do take care not to burn bridges, this is very important. I've learnt that having the courage to leave it all behind and walk-away is actually not so bad, in fact my experience has taught me it is quite a healthy thing to do! I've hit reboot a few times already and it wasn't so bad. Life & work goes on - one should never feel one is indispensable, that's just pure hubris! Life is about exploration, standing still can't be an option.
As I've recalled these stories from my past, I felt the energy build up creating a burning desire to do something different yet again! I have accomplished many feats in the past, so I can definitely accomplish much, much more into the future! I decided again to not settle nor to stand still. The next twenty years I have left in my life can definitely be as interesting, if not more exciting and rewarding than my past twenty years!! It is indeed time for another change! I'm about to fill in the gaps in my life/work plan that I shared previously....
