Be the leader you wish you had

BE THE LEADER YOU WISH YOU HAD

I use this saying often in my 1:1s with my directs and in my private coaching sessions. It is a powerful way to make one pause for a moment, reflect, adjust to the discomfort, then embrace the excitement of a new energy that is created.

Adopting this mindset has transformed me from standard "manager" to empathetic "leader". Reading Seth Godin's "The Song of Significance" reinforced my instinctual leadership practices. 

Quoting from "13. Let's Get Real or Let's Not Play", Seth says this:

<quote> No one goes to the gym to willingly get punched in the face by the senior vice president of boxing. But some folks eagerly pay for a sparring partner when it's time to get better.  The difference is obvious, but we've forgotten to say it out aloud.  No grades, no check marks, no badges. I'm not in charge of you, and I'm not manipulating you. I'm simply establishing the conditions for you to get to where you said you wanted to go.  You tell me where you're going and what you need. You make promises about your commitment and skills development.  I'll show up to illuminate, question, answer, spar with, and challenge you. I'll make sure you're part of a team of people who are ready to care as much as you do. We can get real. Or let's not play. </quote>

This is not some leadership mumbo jumbo. Some time ago, I developed a model for personal development that borrowed concepts from agile product management by way of user stories (search RAGE tag on this blog). I then used the same methods in the way I work with my direct reports. HR people might call this "contracting with the employee" but I take it further. I get real. It's not about objectives, KPIs & deliver results. I put myself on the line. I reach out. And so when it comes to performance reviews, my reviews are a two-way conversation. My direct also evaluates Mo's performance - because as a leader, I believe leaders mirror & contribute to the performance of their direct reports. 

What's my mechanism then?

I ask each person to write a user story in this format:

In order for me, [Name] to do [XYZ] (e.g. my job | grow | be inspired | learn | etc.) I need my manager (Mo) to support me by doing [....insert your wish-list here] so that I can ....

So I start the year with level setting on our contracts together, and in our 1:1s, we check-in and inspect, comment, re-calibrate, adjust.  

Guess what? 

This mechanism might seem simple but it's quite challenging for people. Usually, it's the first time they're experiencing a manager doing it this way. There's hook both ways. Often, it takes a few iterations to get the user stories crafted in way that is mutually relatable and agreeable. My mechanism goes beyond the standard business SMART goal setting. I make it human. Real. Personal. For me, this is my song of significance.

Here's some real-world examples in play, from senior managers that report into me - See how doing so puts me, Mo, on the hook?

* In order for me to do my job, I need my manager (Mo) to support me by throwing me in the deep end and exposing me to as much as possible so that I can quickly learn and understand this business

* In order for me to do be inspired, I need my manager (Mo) to support me by leading by example so that I can learn from his vast experience

* In order for me to do grow, I need my manager (Mo) to support me by pushing me out my comfort zone so that I can grow in all directions.

* In order for me to do my job. I need my manager (Mo) to support me by throwing me in the deep end and exposing me to as much as possible so that I can quickly learn and understand this business

* In order for me to grow my skillset, I need my manager to support me in blocking out time on my calendar so I can complete the ‘make great hiring decisions’ course (5hrs)

* In order for me to get promoted to L7, I need my manager to support me by identifying key opportunities so that I can start building a roadmap of promotional milestones

* In order for me to learn more about AWS/Amazon PMT roles and guidelines, I need my manager to support me by identifying mentorship opportunities so that I can both learn and teach in the PMT space 

* In order for me to be inspired, I need my manager to support me in attending Product Manager conferences so that I can learn more about industry standards from external PMs and also grow the internal PMs

* In order for me to work towards my career progression to L7, I need my manager (Mo) to support me by doing 1. identify L7 level tasks/opportunities that I can own 2. track my progression and callout on misses 3. set milestones for me and guide

* In order for me to do my job I need my manager to support me by giving me opportunities to apply my skills and strengths, enough autonomy to approach tasks my own way and help me improve in applicable growth areas so that I can be a better manager..

* In order for me to do my job  I need Mo to support me by: Support the product within the bigger higher level audience. I agree the summit worked very well and the group wants a get together virtual and onsite as well. 

* Providing me with opportunities where I can get exposure for the work that I am doing with my product when the time comes and we are ready

* Provide input, guidance and regular feedback on my promo doc.

* In order for me to grow into a valuable employee (bar raiser / builder) I need Mo to support me by:

Providing weekly constructive feedback on my performance in our 1:1

Discuss progress on my goals in our 1:1 to ensure I meet and exceed expectations

Assist with improving my writing skills by providing guidance and allowing me to work with Bar Raisers to improve my quality of writing.

Call out any gaps and blind spots I might have weekly in our 1:1.

* In order for me to learn, i need my manager to support me by looking out for L7 opportunities for me to explore, learn and become competent in L7 requirements so that i can build my skill set and become an L7 Product Manager