When an Expat decides it's time to go back home...

For an expat, deciding to return back to one's home country is possibly one of the most stressful periods in one's life, even more stressful than the period when leaving home the first time round. In my earlier post about myself, I mentioned I left South Africa to settle in United Kingdom, and now have feelings of returning back home to South Africa (even though I'm in a messy situation with my citizenship-status, according to SA Law, SA citizenship is lost automatically on acquiring foreign citizenship)...

It's been 10 years that I've been away from home. I left in April 2001 to brace the shores of Ireland. A recent graduate with one year's work experience, it was a chance in a lifetime to be offered an overseas job, so I jumped at the opportunity, it was an obligation I couldn't really refuse. Whatever I earned went back to home to support my family, I kept funds just enough for me to survive....Of course, at the time I was a single guy, free to do what I wanted, the whole world was waiting for me to make my mark....I turns out, that even though I settled quite well in Ireland, had good friends and thought my work was going well - it all ended abruptly when the internet bubble finally burst, EU started losing money and companies started to shed off their excess baggage, so jobs were cut, people sent back home. I did return home to SA in late 2002, but was lucky to land a job in the UK roundabout the same time. So, as every decent Muslim boy does when he's around 25 years old, thinks about marriage, because I had the funds saved up, and as we're told if we reach that age and can afford it, then we should marry....and the thought of living in the UK without companionship didn't go down too well with the folks and family, so I found my wife and decided to marry, take her with me to UK to start a new life, afresh...

Eight years onwards, happily married with three children, we find ourselves, despite living a fairly comfortable life in the UK, wanting to go back home. The truth is, even though, being from South Africa made it very easy to integrate with British life, and not feel isolated or separate from the people - the lack of having immediate family around you to support you, or even the social events with family - can really get one down. Making friends is also challenging, it's much easier to make friends with similar expats from other countries, than to break the ice with native english folks. So with a handful of friends, we try to live a life...but more recently though, with the kids growing up, we notice they're really growing up in isolation: The people that they know is just their mom and dad. Yes they've got to see both grandparents for short stints during holidays, but that's not enough time for them to experience their grandparent's love, warmth and sincere affection. They're also not getting a chance to spend time with their aunts and uncles & cousins - there is no sense of family...whilst it is true that the life we've started to build together in the UK can be the beginnings of my very own family legacy/heritage in the UK, I think it's a bit unfair on the kids not really getting to know who their family are....ignoring the saying "You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family". Yes, family can be a bit of a pain, but no matter what happens, family are there to support you when the going gets tough, they are your life line, your support network when things get bad...something that is absolutely absent in our current life....you live in this world only once, when you die you leave behind people who care for you, memories and the result of your work if it had an impact on people's lives...when I look at it like this, suppose we die in the UK, it'll be very empty and almost meaningless...I grew up without the love of grandparents (apart from my mom's step-mother), I'd really like my kids to cherish memories of their own grandparents whilst they still around...

Perhaps it's just the way we were brought up. Muslims have a strong sense of obligation and duty to family, especially their parents. We are taught the values of parents, especially that of the mother first, then the father, immediate family and extended family. We are taught to be kind and gentle, to love them even despite their misgivings. And when parents are getting old, it's the child's responsibility (and the right of the parent) to take care of their parent's needs financially and emotionally...This has been growing on me for some time, even though I provide financially for my family back in SA, it seems a little impersonal and detached being so far away. In times of crisis, I'm not able to travel home...My in-laws are elderly and not in the best of health. My parents are also seeing their age take a toll on them: My father may have prostrate cancer, my mom has trouble with her vision, my eldest sister now has breast cancer and is undergoing radio therapy, my second eldest sister has also just been diagnosed with breast cancer [correction - they assumed she had cancer, it turns out it's benign now 18/03/2011]. My youngest sister lost here husband aged 32 (5 years ago) to stomach cancer. My brother's second wife died soon after what supposed to be a routing operation...all of these things happening, and I'm not around to be there in person to offer my support....

But emotions aside, the decision to move back to SA must be based on some logical reasoning as well. Granted there are tensions within SA and SA is a country that is in its teenage years of true independence, politically there are concerns that SA could follow the route of Zimbabwe...but if people keep the spirit of Mandela alive, SA can become the best African countries to live in. The SA constitution is one of its kind in the world, it offers total freedom of expression to live, the right of people of all colours, races to live side-by-side, offered equal opportunities - a true multicultural, free society...if this country maintains its standard of human rights and constitution, what better country to have my kids grow up in and experience life. There are many challenges, but the opportunity to make a difference is great - something that I've always aspired to contribute - is to make a difference. Contrasted to the UK on the other hand, the UK is so developed, so well organised, everything works like clockwork, society is so used to things that it feels almost boring to live here, there are no real challenges - there isn't any real poverty, which is a danger because children growing up in this environment have to sense of hardwork and don't appreciate that life is hard, nothing comes for free...

When I first left home, my aim was to learn as much as I could, in the hope of returning one day to SA and contributing back to the development of the country. Since then, times have changed, the world is gone flat. South Africa is no longer behind, yes it could still be considered a third-world country. But the world is within the reach of people's fingertips, thanks to advances in telecommunications, the internet, the ever increasing availability of affordable consumer electronics and web technologies. In terms of IT infrastructure, SA companies are utilising the state-of-the-art technologies, in some cases setting the standard for other countries to follow, this is most apparent in the mobile communications world. One of my reasons for leaving SA when I did was the lack of opportunity for real world programming, that is writing real software systems from the ground up - to work for real software development companies. Instead of being users and managers of systems, or doing minor integration, I wanted to be part of the teams that actually wrote the underlying software, that's why I moved. There just wasn't that opportunity...In the eight years of being away, things have changed. Take Canonical for example, a local SA company embracing the culture of open source software. Ubuntu a very popular open source Linux distribution is an African inspiration. Cape Town is becoming the centre of investment, and is being touted the Silicon Valley of the Africa. The opportunities are just beginning...South Africa is no India, it's definitely not a Bangalore. South Africa doesn't have two hundred thousand IT graduates or 74000 MBAs (according to Friedman) and cannot even compete with the likes of India and China...but still, SA as a country has a growing economy, is a prime candidate for investment.... The world is flat, people are able to travel overseas often, all it takes is an overnight trip...

Just look at India - people used to leave the country in droves for Europe and the US...not anymore. In my recent trip to Bangalore, I saw first hand the opportunities that city presents for its people. The top companies are located in India, not just workshops for maintenance works - companies are investing huge amount of resources to setting up state-of-the-art R&D facilities. What once started off as a place for cheap, cost effective outsourcing has now changed such that innovation, and inventions are coming out from India itself...and the people that work for these companies can travel to company headquarters located throughout the world. The salary is excellent, the amenities are just as they are in a western country, why leave India at all??

The same can be said of South Africa in the next few years, well that is the hope...but it's still good to hope right? What else is good about SA? The weather is much better than the UK, there is more land, and the natural sceneries are breathtaking...

So where are we in deciding what to do?? Well, we did a little brainstorm and currently we've got the pros and cons of both countries on our local whiteboard - see pics below.... We are leaning towards going with the heart, rather than the head - and should an opportunity present itself, we're willing to give it a try ;-)

UK pros and cons

SA pros and cons

Kids whiteboard overtaken for brainstorm